Humor and jokes in American Courts
Interesting Stuff
The court has always been thought as a serious and somber place. But occasionally there are some exceptions that make the court more humane and amusing. A humorous mind had compiled real exchanges between in American courts between attorneys and witnesses into a book. The book is called Disorder in the American Courts. Here are some excerpts from the book: –
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 18th?
Witness: Yes
Attorney: And what were you doing at the time?
Witness: Uh….
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years
Attorney: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8.30pm.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time.
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
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